Tuesday, May 21, 2013

The Thesis Proposal Zombie

As mentioned before, I decided to delay my thesis by a semester, which means that, while most of my friends have just submitted their theses to the university library and are now dusting off their party clothes and ready to celebrate the rebirth of their social lives, I am still in the throes of working on my thesis proposal.

For those who are interested, my research will deal with the political gender quota debate in Lebanon, and I plan on interviewing relevant activists, politicians, NGOs, etc. to analyze the obstacles/enabling factors for gender quotas in Lebanon, and whether they are a policy worth pursuing. Some professors have told that this research is relevant and timely, and it's nice knowing that some people find my research topic interesting.

But let's be honest, I am not handling the stress of academic research very gracefully. I keep waiting for someone to discover that I am a fraud with a minimal grasp of political theory who is just in the master's biz for the visa.



My coping methods while writing my proposal have included:

- Meltdowns and long incoherent rants to anyone within hearing range. This great tactic will ensure that I have no friends to distract me when I will be working on my thesis, as they will all have had the common sense to run for the hills.

- Writing while going on spiteful internal monologues. "They asked for an extended literature review, well they're gonna get one! That'll teach them, mwa ha ha ha." If anyone at the Café Younes where I go work could read minds, they would probably be terrified by the lunatic typing away on her laptop. Although the fact that I spend between 10 and 15 hours a week in that café is probably enough for them to be worried about my mental health.

- Google searching phrases like "my thesis is useless," "I hate my thesis," and "thesis-induced depression," all for the relief of knowing that I am part of a global community of neurotic graduate students who feel the need to vent on the Internet.

- Listening to songs with titles like "Not Giving In." Not giving into the urge of listening to "I Will Survive," although the sentiment feels particularly appropriate.

- Getting used to sleeping next to a growing pile of clean laundry that I'll "put away tomorrow."

The stress of frantically writing for days on end is followed by a strange feeling of emptiness and confusion once the latest draft of my proposal is sent off to my committee. I keep thinking that I have something important I've forgotten to do.

My coping methods while waiting for the next round of edits on my proposal include:

- Eating kilos of sour plums called janerek (pictured here with some cherries to fool you into thinking that I have a somewhat diversified diet and that I don't just eat janerek until my stomach hurts):



- Teaching myself the lyrics to this song:



- Going for long walks around Beirut like the big tourist I still am.

- Drinking gin and tonics.

- Telling myself I will tackle that big pile of laundry "tomorrow."

My friends were much more disheveled and stressed out than usual during their thesis writing stage. What scares me is how I'm already at that point and the bulk of my work hasn't even started yet. Just giving you all a heads up: by the time this thesis is through, I will have transformed into an unkempt feral beast who communicates only in grunts and Drude Dahlerup* quotes.

*Gender quota theory guru.

1 comment:

  1. Stress is always be a big part of thesis writing, and there are no such thing as the perfect thesis paper so you would eventually face mistake in the long run. Anyway, I think your thesis’ abstract is great! Timely topic can really be great topic to deal with as you would have tons of sources of information. I do hope you get to finally defend your thesis soon!

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